You’ve got the job, the apartment, the wine subscription , now all that’s left is locking down the love life, right?
But hold up, boss lady. Before you start shopping for rings or Pinteresting your way to the perfect centerpieces, there are a few real conversations you need to have with Mr. Wonderful. Because love is dreamy, but marriage is daily. And the last thing you want is to find out post-engagement that your “forever person” thinks housework is a gendered hobby or assumes your career is optional.
Let’s break it down.
1. Money Talks… and So Should You
The Problem:
You’re hustling for that promotion, stacking your 401k, and investing in your future , meanwhile, he’s treating “budgeting” like a mythical creature nobody’s ever actually seen.
It’s cute that he remembers your Starbucks order, but does he know his credit score? Do you know his? Are you aligned on spending, saving, and , oh yeah , debt?
The Solution:
Sit down and swap financial stories like you swap Netflix recommendations. Get painfully honest about salaries, student loans, retirement goals, and even how you define “splurge.” Money can be awkward, but marrying someone without understanding their financial mindset is like signing a contract without reading the fine print.
Pro tip: If he flinches when you ask about money, imagine how fun it’ll be when it’s time to sign a mortgage.
2. Career Ambitions: Will Yours Fit Together, or Clash Like Bad Prints?
The Problem:
You’ve got dreams , big ones. Maybe it’s running your own team, starting your own company, or jetting off for conferences. But if he expects you to downshift the moment you say “I do,” we’ve got a plot twist brewing.
The Solution:
Map it out. Where do you both want to be in 1, 3, or 5 years , professionally and personally? If you get a job offer in another city, does he cheer you on or guilt you out? Will your careers coexist, or is someone expected to “compromise” (read: sacrifice)?
Truth bomb: If you’re expected to dim your light now, it won’t get brighter after marriage.
3. Division of Labor: Love Doesn’t Clean the Bathroom
The Problem:
He loves your ambition , until laundry piles up, groceries vanish, and suddenly you’re expected to run the house like a 1950s housewife with a Zoom account.
The Solution:
Before you put a ring on it, put a chore chart on it. Talk logistics: Who handles what? How do you both deal with life’s endless adulting? The goal isn’t 50/50 on paper, but fair and flexible in real life.
Mental note: A partner who “helps” you around the house isn’t a partner, they’re a dependent.
4. Kids, No Kids, and the Honest Middle Ground
The Problem:
You’ve aced quarterly reviews, survived office politics, and mastered meal-prepping for one , but have you and your partner actually talked about whether you want kids, when, and how you’ll manage them if you do? Spoiler: “We’ll figure it out later” is not a strategy.
The Solution:
Real talk, no sugarcoating. Do you both want kids? If yes, what’s the timeline? If no, are you both a solid “no”? If “maybe,” define the what-ifs. And most importantly, discuss the lifestyle you want with or without tiny humans , including the emotional, financial, and career trade-offs.
Friendly reminder: Avoiding this convo won’t prevent surprises, it’ll just delay the inevitable panic.
Bottom Line:
Love is butterflies and forehead kisses. Marriage is calendars, compromises, and co-creating a life. One doesn’t replace the other, and both deserve the same level of honesty.
So before you plan your engagement photoshoot, ask yourself:
Are you marrying a partner or just the idea of one?
Drop your thoughts below , or send this to the friend who needs the wake-up call. Let’s talk.